EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DIARY
Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1:00 pm OH BOY! THE GARDEN! MY FAVORITE! 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1:00 pm OH BOY! THE GARDEN! MY FAVORITE! 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1:00 pm OH BOY! THE GARDEN! MY FAVORITE! 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT’S DIARY
DAY 752
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair…must try this on their bed.
DAY 765
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was…Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid?! My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer..” More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time…
{ 15 comments }
what is this? dogs vs cats? not all dogs and cats think that way!!! some dogs think: “yum, a human! i think i’ll go kill it!” and some cats think: “well, this rat looks good, and i believe it has been bothering my owners! this will be fun!” and more people get killed by dogs each day! stories about a dog turning on their owner seems to be growing!
I like jokes about cats being smart, but I must pedantically observe that in my years of empirical experience, cats are just as dumb as dogs, with both species being only slightly higher than the average armchair.
Bucky from “Get Fuzzy” is the most realistic cat I’ve ever seen depicted in cartoons.
I really like how the dog is an airhead and the cat is the genius. It reminds me of Garfeild and Odie.
Yo! Cats Rocks (&Rules)!
How cute! Describes my mom’s cats perfectly.Oh,for neko -dogs don’t randomly turn on people for no reason. A lot of that has to do with abus, neglect, and or bad training. Also a healthy chunk of ignorance of dog behavior
How cute! Describes my mom’s cats perfectly.Oh,for neko -dogs don’t randomly turn on people for no reason. A lot of that has to do with abuse, neglect, and or bad training. Also a healthy chunk of ignorance of dog behavior
I loooooved the cat ones, and i know that i am supposed to be doing an assignment on cats right now, but i thought that i am still doing something about cats if i am doing this, right? right?! Oh, and that idiot neko, i would like to say, is way too pessimistic. Doggies are nice!!
This explains why my cat always has that look on her face…
She’s an inside cat. This weekend, I found the screen door open to the backyard and feared the worst. Instead, she was lying calmly in the grass, enjoying the sunshine as if she were outside every day.
Note to self: take more frequent trips into backyard with cat so she doesn’t plot my murder…
Hahaha….as much as a dog person I am, I find it hilarious how both describe the simplicity of dogs and the negativity of cats. Well done.
I agree with Sandy, I wish cats wouldn’t always asume that humans being nice to them was a sign of torture though….
Hey i think this depicks the very well mind of a Catvs. Dog and i love this site and hope to see more to come
As what Daniel said..GO Cats!!!! we rule as always…meow
aw how sweet
I love this site!! One more thought - no one ever loved me like my dog. She’s always happy to see me, follows me everywhere, is ready to play when I am, and will protect me unconditionally!!!
I love it!!! I happen to be a dog and a cat person. I love them both and this is hilarious. Good job. Becky
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