t 'n t luoma

Of course it didn't break cleanly. Oh no. It broke but was still connected at the mid-way point about 30 feet high.

So we were left with the option of either a) leaving the tree there until it fell on its own or b) hiring someone to cut it down.

"A" seemed like the clear winner, it was cheaper and easier. It had the minor drawbacks of meaning that we had a hard time getting out of our driveway, and the slight chance that it would fall and kill someone. Then the next thing you know: lawyers.

"B" was definitely the safer option. It had the minor drawback of being $750 more expensive than option "A". For those of you who aren't good at math, $750 - $0 = $750.

Ouch.

Actually it was $750 for two trees.

The first guy came to give an estimate on cutting down the broken tree, and he said the other tree needed to come down before it fell on the house (it was, as they say, mostly dead). He also estimated $1300 for the job.

Tracey, of course, called for a second estimate (this is one of the main roles of the CEO of Domestic Affairs of Chateau Luoma, bargain hunting. Tracey is rather uniquely gifted for this position.) The second estimate came in for $750.

Now what you or I would do in that situation is immediately book the second contractor to do the job. But you and I are rank amateurs, complete incompetents, or, to put it bluntly, idiots.

What Tracey did, having achieved a 42% discount by getting a second estimate, immediately called for a third estimate. Any wonder why I love this woman? Unfortunately we couldn't get anyone else to come out, so we went with the second estimate.

The guys did a really good job, although it's clear they had good supervision, as you can see from this brief (20 second, 1mb) video: Ethan watches tree workers (mp4), (requires QuickTime or compatible).

Unfortunately, the job just included cutting down the tree. That left us with a pile of wood in the front yard. As rustic as it looked, we knew it couldn't last forever.

Last week Tracey suggested that we try out the wood-burning stove, which was, after all, one of the things we liked about this house when we looked at it. This far it had not been used. We used it for the first time the other night, taking some of the smaller pieces.

The stove threw enough heat that we didn't need to turn on the hugely inefficient electric baseboard heaters. This solved two problems [for those of you with short attention spans, that would be 1) having the wood in the front yard, and 2) the cost of running electric baseboard heaters] except that there was a lot of wood far too big to be used in the stove.

Enter the ax.

With no small amount of fear and trepidation, at least on my part, we bought an ax (and something inaccurately called a "wood grenade" which is neither made of wood, nor does it have a pin that you can pull to split wood... which, by the way, would be a really cool feature.

It might come as some surprise to learn that splitting wood came quite naturally to me. I know it came as a surprise to me; moreover, I would be willing to believe it came as a surprise to most people who had ever met me.

But it was not only quite enjoyable, but also an excellent photo op:

Most of you have heard the old saying, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade." But really, how many people like lemonade, especially in the colder months? We need a new slogan, something more masculine.

I submit for your consideration: "If life gives you $750 worth of tree damage, make firewood." Sure, I don't know that we'll come close to saving $750 worth of electricity... heck, I'm not sure we'll save the $40 that it cost to buy the ax... but it's much more masculine than that lemonade line.