t 'n t luoma

Anyway, the letter was very politely worded, but I think we can all read between the lines.

Dear Pastor Luoma

“Dear Potential Religious Nutjob:”

Thank you for agreeing to give the opening invocation at session on Wednesday, April 20th as a guest of Representative Smith (*)

“Thank you for agreeing to do this, because it’s a real pain to keep finding people who will do this, especially when no one really knows why we keep doing it. You will be the guest of the Representative from your area, who you’ve probably never met and who has never met you, but we have to put your name with someone or else you aren’t getting in the door.”

(* Note: Smith isn’t his real name, but I don’t want to embarrass him.)

Parking is available to you in the Statehouse parking garage. Please enter the garage even if the sign out from states that the garage is full. If the garage is full, blow your horn and tell the attendant that you are the minister for House session. You may park in any unreserved spot. The sergeant-at-arms will give you a parking pass during session.

“There are perks to being our show pony for the day. We’ll find you a spot in the garage. There isn’t a reserved spot for you, because you’re only here for 5 minutes, but we’ll make this as painless as possible.”

The Speaker’s office is located on the second floor of the Statehouse, down the hall from the House Chambers. I will meet you in the Speaker’s office at 1:15 p.m. Session is scheduled to begin at 1:30 p.m.

“You’ll have no idea where you’re going, but this gives you enough information to tell people where to point you in the right direction. Try not to be late.”

If you could bring a typed copy of your prayer with you it would be very helpful

“Don’t just get up there and start pulling stuff out of thin air.”

The clerk’s office keeps a Book of Prayers, which contains all of the prayers that have been used to open session.

“Someone’s nephew got a cushy job filing these things away in the vain hope that anyone would ever want to refer back to them.”

When drafting your invocation, please keep in mind that we have both Jewish and Christian members in the House.

“Go easy on the Jesus stuff.”

Please refer to the enclosed guidelines regarding the opening prayer.

“Really, I mean it, go easy on the Jesus stuff.”

It is required that you submit a draft of your prayer at least 72 hours prior to your schedule session day.

“We’re going to check to make sure you at least say that you’re going to go easy on the Jesus stuff.”

(No word on why they can’t just use that draft for the Book of Prayers. Probably want to compare the early draft with the actual version to see how much Jesus stuff you tried to sneak in.)

Thank you again for volunteering your time with us.

“Again it’s a strange tradition that we don’t really know what to do with, but it would be political suicide to suggest that we stop doing it, so thanks for helping out. And you won’t be paid. But we do validate parking.”

The enclosed guidelines said, in part:

The opening prayer should be approximately two to three minutes in length

“Let me tell you about the time that we got someone in there who just went on and on for 20 minutes.”

In accordance with the United States Supreme Court ruling regarding prayers offered for public functions, prayers before the House should be non-denominational

So I guess I’ll have to cross out, “Oh God who revealed Himself to our beloved leader John Calvin...”

...non-sectarian...

...and the line about why Presbyterians are the only true Christians....

...and non-proselytizing.

“No altar calls, Jesus Freak.”

Prayers should avoid contentious subject matter.

“Do your little blessing and be done with it, but don’t think that we actually believe that your beliefs have anything to say about the serious business that we’ll attend to after your 3 minutes are up.”

In order to ensure that the above guidelines are met, we are asking that you submit a copy of your prepared remarks at least seventy-two (72) hours prior to the session day. Failure to do so will prohibit you from delivering your prayer.

“We need time to get the Jesus-sniffing dogs out...”

If it is determined that the prayer is of denominational, sectarian, or proselytizing nature, we will ask for it to be changed to conform to the guidelines.

“We will pass judgment on your prayer, but we will ensure that your prayer will not pass judgment on us.”

I’m glad to do my little part, for whatever it is worth. I’ll drive my 2.5 hours (each way) to deliver a 3 minute prayer. I’ll do my best to speak the truth, a message of challenge and truth, a message asking God to provide guidance and strength of character. I’ll do my best to avoid saying Jesus (or even “JAYsus”) or anything else that might offend, and will try not to think about the fact that they have invited a Christian minister to pray to a generic, unoffensive, unchallenging, pie-in-the-sky-by-and-by God who might or might not exist but who hardly seems relevant except as an occasional political tool (or weapon) as we continue this quaint little ritual before we get down to the “real business at hand.”

(Note: I have written a followup which includes the prayer that I offered.)