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Star Wars Episode 7: How to Squeeze Every Last Dime from Your Biggest Fans

You might think I would be thrilled to hear they are coming out with the original, unaltered, Star Wars trilogy on DVD. Especially if you knew that I once watched Episode IV some 20+ times in one month when it was on HBO. Or if you knew that Tracey and I had once watched all three original movies in the theater on the same day.

But I’m really not. In fact I don’t remember the last time I felt this betrayed.

John Gruber cited this:

In response to overwhelming demand, Lucasfilm Ltd. and Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment will release attractively priced individual two-disc releases of Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. Each release includes the 2004 digitally remastered version of the movie and, as bonus material, the theatrical edition of the film. That means you'll be able to enjoy Star Wars as it first appeared in 1977, Empire in 1980, and Jedi in 1983.

from http://www.starwars.com/episode-iv/release/video/news20060503.html and then added his own words:

Bastards. I broke down and finally bought the current DVD trilogy collection just a few months ago — now I’ve got to pay for it yet again just to get the versions of the films that I really want. If they ever diddle with the Han-vs.-Greedo scene again, they ought to have Han shoot George Lucas.

I couldn’t agree more. But then it got worse. I went to the official press release page, and what image do they have as part of the release?

[Han and Greedo] For those of you either too young to remember, too old to remember, or if you have suffered a traumatic blow to the head since 1977, Luke and Ben go into Mos Eisley to hire a ship. They agree to pay Han an excessive amount of money to get them to where they need to go.

Just after they leave, a bounty hunter named Greedo (above right) comes in, seeking to take Han Solo to Jabba the Hut - or to take the money he owes Hut. Greedo talks on and on, while Han unbuckles his holster and shoots Greedo under the table.

I saw the movie in 1977 or 1978 at about 5 years old, and even I recognized this for what it was: pure cleverness on Han’s part. Someone was essentially trying to rob Han in a crowded bar, and Han shot him. Nothing that Greedo wouldn’t have done if the situation were reversed.

Now fast forward 20-ish years. The movies are re-released with improved sound, scenes added in, etc. Most of which were completely unnecessary and added nothing to the storyline, but instead served the purpose of letting Lucas a) show off and b) gouge his fans for another $7/ticket. But they didn’t just add things. They changed things. Changed things. Lucas created the defining myth of a generation, and then 20 years later he changed it.

One of the most useless and aggravating changes was the scene with Han and Greedo. In the new version, Greedo shoots first and misses. Mind you, Greedo is approximately 3 feet from Han, so shooting and missing is completely and utterly stupid. In addition, there would be no reason for Greedo to shoot Han. Han already told him that he doesn’t have the money on him, so shooting him would gain him nothing. Sure I suppose he could bring Han’s corpse to Jabba, but that wouldn’t be nearly satisfying. But there is nothing and no indication that Greedo is going to shoot.

Why does he shoot?

Well because apparently Lucas decided that it made Han look bad to have shot first.

Look bad? The man is a criminal, a smuggler, a scoundrel (by some accounts), and this is what you think makes him look bad?

What’s worse, Lucas adamently asserted that the original versions would never be released on DVD. They said it would take too much work (read: I want you to like the new versions, so open wide and take it. This won’t hurt a bit).

So we bought the original series on VHS. Then they released the widescreen original versions on VHS. ARGH! So we bought that too (since otherwise you miss stuff, like, oh, I don’t know, off the top of my head, you miss Luke letting go of whatever that thing is that he was holding onto after Darth Vader cut off his hand. In the non-widescreen version, all you see is Vader looking at Luke, and then looking down. Next thing you know, Luke is falling down the shaft. Did he slip? Did he lose his balance? You’ll never know!!!

When the new versions came out, we bought them on DVD. Because we’re fans, that’s why.

So I currently have three versions of the original trilogy in my house, including two in VHS, just waiting to break down over time as the tape decays. The picture and sound aren’t nearly as good, and when I finally get that 80" LCD, the flaws will be more obvious.

Now Lucas, who must need a new yacht, has decided that he’ll let me buy another copy of the movies I already own on DVD, and this time he’ll “throw in” the original versions.

Oh, and did you catch the part where it sounds like they will be selling each of the 3 movies separately? Apparently George wants the 100 foot yacht instead of the 80. You can currently get the boxed trilogy for $37 on Amazon.com. That’s $12.33 per movie. But if they sell them separately, you can bet they will go for $15 - $20 per movie. So that’s at least $3 extra.... times, let’s say they sell 3 million copies.... geez, George, you can have a different yacht for each day of the week, solely by sticking each of your fans just a little more.

Great. Thanks George. First you make these horrible remakes of your original movies, then you make three more completely lame prequels, none of which comes close to matching any of the 3 original movies, and now this. I hope it was worth it. I’d say more about what I really think of you for this, but it’s a family site and I never know who’s reading. The good news for you is that you ought to be able to buy plenty of sleeping pills so you never have to lie awake at night and think about how you’ve totally and completely screwed your fans multiple times for the past decade after we waited a decade for the additional movies you promised.

I used to be upset that you decided that you wouldn’t make episodes 7-9 which you had talked about a long time ago. After seeing episodes 1-3 I realized I didn’t care and I was a bit relieved. Whatever magic making powers you had died on or about “Return of the Jedi”. And I do mean the original.

There was nothing worth seeing in the re-releases. There was nothing worth seeing, and certainly nothing awe-inspiring, about episodes 1-3. (Don’t even get me started on the scene where Han steps on Jabba. As if.)

Remember when Han was being loaded into the carbon freezing chamber, and Leia said “I love you” and Han said “I know”? Remember how you reportedly worried that people would laugh, and that at the screening they did laugh, but Harrison Ford said “But it was the right kind of laugh”? Remember that? Did you screen episodes 1-3? I don’t mean in a room filled with lackeys and yes-men. Did you go out and slip into a showing and watch it? Did you hear them groan? Did you hear them laugh in what was definitely the wrong way? Did you see them wince when you tried to write romance scenes?

What happened to you between Empire and Phantom Menace?

Ah what do you care.... you’ll have plenty of money for the rest of your life, and will never see nor care about the feelings of one of your former biggest fans. I won’t even be surprised when you release a DVD of The Phantom Edit in a few years when you realize that you’d really like a 17th summer home. I hear southern France is nice.

And before you complain about the idea that you would ever sink so low, may I remind you that your contempt for your fans extends far enough that you are also offering your fans the chance to buy a T-shirt that says “Han Shot First” for $16. Apparently the “I live in my parents’ basement” T-shirts didn’t market well?

Given that you apparently had the idea for the whole “trilogy times three” (I mean two) plotted out in 1977, I can’t help but wonder if you didn’t make some of the changes to the original trilogy in the 1990’s realizing that there would be increased marketing opportunites for the two sets of DVDs, that you could get people to buy both by first saying that there wouldn’t be any DVDs of the originals, and then changing your mind later.

Man, that Phantom Edit thing sounds even more likely the more I think about it.

Once I thought you were the most creative mind to have ever indelibly touched my life.

Now I just see you as, well, just another greedy grown-up.

Comments

I couldn't have said it better. All the years of pent-up anger, suddenly manifest in such a concise form. Good job.

I've never purchased a Star Wars movie, mainly for this very reason. When the THX remasters came out I was acutely aware that it wouldn't stop there, so what was the point? They're on television every once in a while, and if I want to refresh my memory on fine details I have the novels, which were gifted to me one birthday.

And anyway, what's Star Wars compared to Star Trek, anyway? :)

Oh man...you guys bitch way too much..its not that big of a deal. Holy crap. How about some cheese with that wine. You know what, look at whats good in life instead of the bad, and you'll be much happier, kk, bubye

{{TjL writes: it's spelled "whine"...}}

Soon you'll be buying the HD DVD's and the Blu-Ray's. Save the money and wait.

Awasome. I still study the teqniques he used but I completly aggree. And with 7-9 on the horizon, who knows how bad they will be. At leats they will have a jerrieatric Luke, Han, Leia, and Chewie in there. And you didnt even mention the fact that he changed the 'perfect vision' he released in '97. He added that f***er Hayden Christansen or whatever as the spirit of Anakin standing next to old Ben and old Yoda. WTF?

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