Call Norm:

Heh heh…

Don’t forget your free Taco from Taco Bell

Love love love the next two:

Definitely my favorite though. I’ve been trying to figure out who he reminds me of:

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore.

Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism and colitis?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “How about Viagra?”

Pharmacist: “Of course.”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”

Pharmacist: ” Absolutely.”

Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers?”

Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”

Jacob: “We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.”

That sound is not sweet at all.

Goes well with my recent Jesus Wetp too.

No dog would do this.

He says, “So what’s bothering you, Mary my dear?”

She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”

The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?”

She says, “That he did, Father.”

The priest says, “What did he ask, Mary?”

She says, “He said, ‘Please Mary, put down that damn gun…’”

(via Mom)

Getting older has its drawbacks, but I guess there aren’t too many good alternatives to getting older.

Whenever you see a gathering of seniors, it is an even bet they are talking about everything that is wrong with them.

You know, the usual, memory, urinary problems, knees, eyesight, etc., etc.

Well, I am a senior and I absolutely refuse to discuss these issues with everyone else.

If I have a problem, I find a solution.

It is not always the solution that I like, but I handle it the best way I know and I don’t discuss it with every person I see on the street that is past 62.

No sir….

With this in mind, I bought myself a new scooter.

I wanted something that was easy on gas and could zip me to the store and about town.

This seems to meet my EVERY need.

Remember: Senior Citizens Are Valuable We are more valuable than any of the younger generations: We have silver in our hair.

We have gold in our teeth.

We have stones in our kidneys.

We have lead in our feet and.

We are loaded with natural gas.

(Click on image for full size version)

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.

He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, “What the heck is going on here?”

The drunk, still staring down replied: “I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost.”