Someone from IP Address 69.237.192.212 who identified themselves only as “Cat Lover” and gave their email address as the unlikely “usuck@yahoo.com” wrote this in response to an article I linked to here about a dog caring for an abandoned baby:
O dont care if u dont freakin post this, i just dont want u to make fun of cat lovers. i just want to get my point out that in my eyes, digs absolutly suck and cats tottaly rule. i dont care if u dont post this i just wanted to talk to u! i saw all of your other comments on a different blog and what I saw that u wrote about cats made me mad! so u know wat go ahead hate me but dont worry beacause i already hate u soooo much more! so just shut up because cats are wwwwwwaaaaaayyyy better than dogs so just stop posting mean stuff about cats and get a life (does that sound familiar?)
Which is just about the funniest thing I’ve read all week. Mind you, it hasn’t been a very funny week.
It’s not the funniest thing I read last week, which was A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore who wrote the equally funny if not even funnier Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal. Actually I didn’t read it at all, I listened to the AudioBook which was even better.
I have no idea what they are referring to when he (and I’m assuming it’s a he only because assuming that it was a she would somehow be seen a sexist by someone who would post something else, probably in response to the post about the Mall of America’s Women-Only Parking lot) refers to “all of [my] other comments on a different blog”. I have no recollection about writing anything mean about cats.
Truth be told I like cats, grew up with cats, would consider having cats again someday. I like women too, even married one I liked the most. The parking lot thing is a joke, an exaggeration based on stereotype; not unlike the many which are hurled at men all the time which no one ever thinks about.
But somewhere along the line I became a lightning rod for some Crazy Internet Cat Fanatics. These are no doubt people who stay home and knit little booties and outfits for their cats to wear when the weather gets cold. These are folks who have more cans of Fancy Feast in their house than they have names in their addressbook. (Now the really ironic thing is that one of these same nutjobs will email me to say how Fancy Feast is crap and they would only feed their cat imported dewormed chicken from the south of France because that’s what Her Empress Kitty Kitt Kitalina likes best and it’s better for her digestive track than that mass marketed swill Fancy Feast….and all along they will be missing the point, which is that I think the smell of cat urine must do something to people’s brains. First of all, they can’t smell it even when anyone who goes into their house, nay anyone who goes into their neighborhood, takes one whiff and thinks “How many cats you got in there, Crazy?” Secondly, after all their real life friends and family have stopped coming over (and they stopped leaving the house because no one will let them bring Miss Kitty Kitt Kitalina with them when they come to visit), they apparently scan the Internet for people who are considered “anti-cat” and chastize them using incredibly poor grammar and spelling.
In conclusion, dear “Cat Lover” at 69.237.192.212: I would change your email address from “usuck@yahoo.com” to something like “usuck@speling.com”…. that way I’ll know how to find you. or “usuck@grammah.com” or “usuck@capitizayshun.com”
(Yes, “speling” et al were intentional. Don’t write to correct me. In fact, don’t write at all. Back away from the computer, throw open the windows to let in some fresh air and let out some 85 year old cat urine saturated air.)